Is Snooki Pregnant?

 

Originally this was supposed to be a post about Snooki and JWoww‘s Jersey Shore spinoff being told to eat a dick by the city of Hoboken, but it turns out someone actually figured out how to impregnate an Ewok and/or distract one from the abortion clinic which is how I’m going to assume this hasn’t happened sooner. RadarOnline reports:

The pint-sized reality star and her boyfriend of a year, Jionni LaValle, are expecting their first child, reveals the upcoming issue of Star.
“She is pregnant and has only told her closest friends and some family,” an insider said.
Never one to keep her mouth shut, the 24-year-old can’t resist hinting publicly at her baby joy, explained the source: “She’s been telling people that she has a big announcement coming.”

While some of you might be quick to point out Snooki’s in the middle of a weight-loss regimen that’s actually been working so getting pregnant now would be fucking retarded, there’s your answer. On that note, I look forward to the birth of Midget Orange Hulk because, Jesus Christ, is that kid about to absorb a ton of UV rays. He’ll probably punch his way out.
UPDATE: If you consider an Oompa Loompa a credible source, Snooki denied being pregnant on Opie & Anthony this morning, so just assume the abortion clinic has those pickles she likes. That’s probably it.