Is Snooki Pregnant?

 

Originally this was supposed to be a post about Snooki and JWoww‘s Jersey Shore spinoff being told to eat a dick by the city of Hoboken, but it turns out someone actually figured out how to impregnate an Ewok and/or distract one from the abortion clinic which is how I’m going to assume this hasn’t happened sooner. RadarOnline reports:

The pint-sized reality star and her boyfriend of a year, Jionni LaValle, are expecting their first child, reveals the upcoming issue of Star.
“She is pregnant and has only told her closest friends and some family,” an insider said.
Never one to keep her mouth shut, the 24-year-old can’t resist hinting publicly at her baby joy, explained the source: “She’s been telling people that she has a big announcement coming.”

While some of you might be quick to point out Snooki’s in the middle of a weight-loss regimen that’s actually been working so getting pregnant now would be fucking retarded, there’s your answer. On that note, I look forward to the birth of Midget Orange Hulk because, Jesus Christ, is that kid about to absorb a ton of UV rays. He’ll probably punch his way out.
UPDATE: If you consider an Oompa Loompa a credible source, Snooki denied being pregnant on Opie & Anthony this morning, so just assume the abortion clinic has those pickles she likes. That’s probably it.

Anderson Cooper and Snooki go on a spray-tan date [Video]

For Anderson Cooper and Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, a little spray tanning goes a long way in the healing department.
Though Cooper ripped the tiny tinted reality star in April for being a no-talent, overpaid hack, it seems the tides have turned with the advent of his softer, sweeter daytime talk show, "Anderson."
So much so that Cooper simultaneously got quality time with the Snookster and a decent chance to show off his rockin' (albeit white) guns and torso.
"Oh my God, you're pale!" Snooki screamed upon greeting Anderson at New York's Beach Bum tanning. It didn't take long for the broadcast journalist to peel off his top, inspiring further Polizzi cries along the lines of, "I had no idea that Mr. Anderson had muscles! When he took off his shirt he had huge, like, peanut muscles."
Those peanuts would be Mr. Cooper's biceps, which thanks to the magic of tanning serum get some definition in the video below. We're thrilled to know these two can work out their differences. That, or Anderson is hiding a longtime addiction to the spray.